So this past Wednesday was my birthday and I’m now closer to 40 than 35. Most of the time, adding a number doesn’t mean much to me except that I know things won’t be as easy as I get even older. I will say that I will take getting older to the alternative which is…well you probably can figure that one out! lol
But I find myself reflecting on my life when my birthday rolls around. I try to take the time to figure out where I am, where I thought I would be, where I’m headed and where I would like to be headed. I do this more on my birthday than even New Year’s. Sometimes, the results aren’t pretty. Other times, they are surprising. Many years, I simply adjust course and keep going. Some birthdays have definitely been more memorable than others of course, be it mentally or emotionally. I’ll just touch on a couple and not recount my entire life for you.
I remember turning 16 and being the oldest child, used to sharing and coming from a family with not much money, I certainly didn’t expect my parents to buy or give me a car. In fact, my parents told me that when I got my license and started driving, I would be expected to drive my sisters around where they needed to go, and I had to pay for my part of the insurance. Hence, I had to get a job. So I started working at the local big retail store that has since gotten too big for its own good, in my opinion. My mother dropped me off a couple of times before my grandfather gave me my first car: his old ’87 Fleetwood Cadillac. He had gotten a new one and I drove that boat around all over the place. If you wanna get good at parking, learn on a car that big! lol
The year I turned 20 was also the year I got married and that has it’s own regrets and lessons learned. I had heard and sort of knew that was very young to get married but I thought I was so mature. Little did I realize that I hadn’t had time to really get to know myself before chaining myself to a man who was definitely not worthy of my affection and caring.
When I turned 25, I had a few minutes of panic as I thought about my decision not to have children. There are medical issues that run in my family that usually present themselves after having kids. And with my marriage as it was, I knew bringing children into it was not a good idea. But almost every woman goes through a period where she really wants them or at least thinks about it hard. I knew the best time would have been before I turned 30 to start a family if that’s what I was going to choose to do. I’m still thankful that I chose not to go that route. If I had children, I would have taken care of them and loved them with all my heart, but seeing how things turned out, I definitely made the right decision to stick to my instincts and not have them.
I was 36 when I lost my dog, my cat, my grandmother, left my husband and moved into my own apartment for the first time. This is when I truly felt I began to live. Wow. Sounds like a country song doesn’t it? lol It was a very tumultuous time in my life but I learned a lot during that time. I miss my grandmother a lot. I miss having a dog a little. I don’t miss the ex a bit. lol
So this year? This year, I’m more optimistic about life than ever. I still plan on trying to get into better shape physically. I hope to finish losing the weight I was trying to over the last year. I am trying new things and exploring options and I feel like my future is bright. I am happier than I can remember ever being and while everything isn’t perfect, I certainly can say I’m on the upswing. And yes, I’m two years from being 40. 😉
Funny, one of my favorite songs came to mind as I was reading this to edit it. Maybe if you are a Five For Fighting fan, you already know it. If you want to check it out, here ya go: 100 Years
If you’d like to share a memory from one of your birthdays, I would love to hear about it! Just message me or drop me a note here.